When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. ~ Victor Hugo. You shot an eight. 21. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. Why dont skeletons play golf? Its almost a law. Is everything okay?. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. Are you into kinky stuff? Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. Play golf. I never learned anything from a match that I won. Bobby Jones, 62. putt." Damn, my shaft's all bent. USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. A great shot is when you pull it off. 100 Great Golf Quotes All Keen Golfers Need To Read | Kidadl Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? I give him the driver. Lee Trevino. This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. Whos there? Originally posted by raffa nunyez. "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". Because subtraction speaks louder than words. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. 150 Hilarious Golf Jokes And Puns 'Fore' Everyone What do you call a lion playing golf? PG Wodehouse. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! The most important shot in golf is the next one. 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. Dirt your body. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? If we . Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. 700 Golf Humor | Cartoons ideas | golf humor, golf, humor - Pinterest You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Don't dirt your soul. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. Golf is more complicated than that. Noah who? There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. They dont have the heart for it. Because you got me soaking wet. Required fields are marked *. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? 21. I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. I stepped on a rake.". 20. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. 75 Hilarious Golf Puns and One-Liners That Don't Suck What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? In the Golf of Mexico! A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? All of them. 3. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. I'll let you beat me. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. Just 130+ Golf Jokes So Funny They're A Hole In One - Scary Mommy 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? I am Jimmy, clown at heart. 85+ Funny Golf Quotes That Will Be A Hit At The Clubhouse Learn More. Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. Keep your head down. Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. Dirty Golfing Quotes Joke, Sick Golfing Quotes Jokes, Funny Golfing Golf is the easiest game in the world. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. P.G. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. Twelfth son of the Lama. You okay with that? "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." My drives aren't always long and straight. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? But you cant just forget not to think. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. Because all the other four letter words were taken. "Golf is like a love affair. I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. And there are windmills.
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dirty golf quotes